Zombies Advocating Health Care Reform: Can We Trust Their Motives?
In an historic vote today, the House passed health care reform in the United States, extending coverage to over 30 million uninsured Americans. And though many would argue that this falls far short of a public option that could potentially cover all Americans and guarantee equal access to quality health care services, I think we must consider the benefits of only incremental progress as we are thereby avoiding the unintended consequences of a health care bill that has not fully explored the ramifications of extensive coverage: namely health care for zombies.
The Mad As Hell Doctors from Stop The Zombie Apocalypse are a group of zombies and zombie sympathizers who claim that a universal single-payer option is the only way to stop the zombie apocalypse. The argument is that private insurers are doing too little to prevent zombie hordes from consuming our nation. And while I agree that private insurance’s relative disdain and/or disregard of preventative medicine, I must truly question the motives of undead hordes advocating for health care for all. Let’s consider the fact that Undead Americans are, in fact, still Americans. If we had health care for all, what is to say that our zombified compatriots would not then qualify for health care coverage? Would we need to pay for their brain sustenance? Could we no longer deny them limb-replacement surgery based on their pre-existing condition of being dead? What are medically necessary procedures for the undead? Is it more ethical to prevent zombification of the living or deny zombies their right to unlife?
In general, I would call myself a supporter of health care reform, but I am glad that we are not blindly providing coverage to everybody without considering the effect it would have on zombie health care. Let the debate begin!
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