The Exponential Strengthening of the Zombie

Zombie Hulk Giving Zombie Magneto The Ride Of His Life

You know, what could be more devastating than a person given mutant powers or superhuman strength?  That’s right: zombies with these self-same properties.  What would normally be only a marginally interesting thought experiment, somebody decided to turn into a reality.  Should your fancy strike you, perhaps you can collect your own figurines.  All I gotta say is this, though: a Wolverine zombie would easily be far less superior to a normal Wolverine.  Just saying.

Does Health Care Reform Cover the Undead?

Zombies Advocating Health Care Reform: Can We Trust Their Motives?

In an historic vote today, the House passed health care reform in the United States, extending coverage to over 30 million uninsured Americans.  And though many would argue that this falls far short of a public option that could potentially cover all Americans and guarantee equal access to quality health care services, I think we must consider the benefits of only incremental progress as we are thereby avoiding the unintended consequences of a health care bill that has not fully explored the ramifications of extensive coverage: namely health care for zombies.

The Mad As Hell Doctors from Stop The Zombie Apocalypse are a group of zombies and zombie sympathizers who claim that a universal single-payer option is the only way to stop the zombie apocalypse.  The argument is that private insurers are doing too little to prevent zombie hordes from consuming our nation.  And while I agree that private insurance’s relative disdain and/or disregard of preventative medicine, I must truly question the motives of undead hordes advocating for health care for all.  Let’s consider the fact that Undead Americans are, in fact, still Americans.  If we had health care for all, what is to say that our zombified compatriots would not then qualify for health care coverage?  Would we need to pay for their brain sustenance?  Could we no longer deny them limb-replacement surgery based on their pre-existing condition of being dead?  What are medically necessary procedures for the undead?  Is it more ethical to prevent zombification of the living or deny zombies their right to unlife?

In general, I would call myself a supporter of health care reform, but I am glad that we are not blindly providing coverage to everybody without considering the effect it would have on zombie health care.  Let the debate begin!

Gifts For Those Zombie-Lovers In Your Life

I saw that the “Gifts For A Geek” website has a site devoted specifically to Zombie Geeks.  Not sure why they think liking zombies makes you a geek.  I kid, I kid.

Here are some of my favorite designs:

 

A T-shirt That Pretty Much Summarizes My Thought Processes

 

I think "Zombieland" definitively proved this to be true.

No longer available, probably due to censorship. Zombie Jesus would not approve.

My Favorite Things

No, this is neither a zombie Sound of Music nor a zombie John Coltrane post, although perhaps I should do a little digging around for something like those, too, for future posts.

Instead, I have stumbled upon a video game that merges two of my greatest passions: zombies and soccer.  You can watch the video below, but it’s pretty self explanatory.  It’s you with a soccer ball against a horde of oncoming zombies that have you cornered.  Naturally, you use your soccer ball to destroy the onslaught of zombies.  Apparently you can employ the use of a laser-shooting satellite from space and extra-special soccer balls to get rid of those particularly persistent hordes, and I’m guessing there are probably some other tricks up your sleeve, as well.

This game kind of looks awful, but simultaneously kind of looks like something that should be in my collection.  Either way, knowing that this game even exists makes me insanely happy.

Reminder: It’s a Bad Idea to Buy a Game System Solely to Own One Game

But if I was going to buy a PSP, it would be for their new release last month called “Zombie Tycoon.”

In it you play a mad scientist who directs a horde of zombies from your own crafting.  Using them, you go around town trying to take over the town and, perhaps, the world.  It’s a small game, and apparently the game play is mediocre at best, but the premise and the aesthetics are right up my alley.  Still, must remember not to buy this video game system just for this game.  I figure if I could resist getting Xbox for the sole purpose of purchasing “Left 4 Dead” (and soon the sequel! Squee!), I should be able to hold off on this one, too.

The Hypnotic Qualities of Communism

Due to unforeseen events, I have had to skip my usual time devoted to finding new zombie things to write about.  So I thought I’d cop out and just post a video of Zombie Lenin from an episode of the Simpsons.  What I found when looking for it, however, is so much better than just a simple youtube clip.  Go to this site: the arrangement is strangely mesmerizing.

Headmunch News

It’s just like CNN!  And is it just me, or does the news anchor in this video bear a striking visual and auditory resemblance to Soledad O’Brien?

I Don’t Want to Pay for a Health Care System Where Zombies Get Coverage

Never Allow Zombies to Be Transplant Surgeons (totally stolen from Sierra Madre News)

As I was spending my free time flipping through the latest in zombie literature on PubMed, as I’m often wont to do, I came across this troubling article headline from a 2008 issue of the journal Health Affairs:

The Politics of Paying for Health Reform: ZOMBIES, Payroll Taxes, and the Holy Grail

My first thought, naturally, was holy crap!  An argument for taking my tax dollars and financing health care coverage for zombies may be intellectually stimulating discussion, but not something I can in good conscience throw my weight behind.  I was shocked to think that, given all the outrage about the remote possibility of illegal immigrants gaining access to our cherished health care coverage, there was nary a peep about these flesh-eating ghouls roaming our hospitals and taking up all our precious H1N1 vaccines and doping up on all our anesthetics (they like the ether, or so I’m told).

But because I try to read a little bit more beyond the headline of an article, I guess I came out with a slightly better understanding of what it was about health care reform that zombies factored into.

I Walked With A Zombie

No, not the 1943 classic movie.  This is a poppier Marilyn Manson-esque band paying homage to “Night of the Living Dead,” with their own pop-punk tribute to this great flick.  I especially like how they interject themselves into scenes from the movie.  Awesomely ridiculous.

Zombie Babies

Babies are somewhat frightening to me.  But there’s nothing quite as scary as zombie babies for an added dimension of terror.  Below are some of my favorite zombie baby clips:

Terrifyingly weird, and utterly perplexing, zombie baby scene from Peter Jackson’s “Dead Alive,” or “Braindead” for the hardcore fanatics out there (like myself):

And then the equally terrifying, but much more genuinely so, zombie baby from Dawn of the Dead.

Makes you think twice about pregnancy, doesn’t it?